No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
