Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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