I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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