I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
