Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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