Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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