fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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