i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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