The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize