would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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