i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
