One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
