From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
