Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize