I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
