That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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