I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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