4 words: hood of his car
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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