Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
