the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
