There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
