My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
