i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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