my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
