nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
