Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
