He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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