i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
