so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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