He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He shit in the fireplace
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
