whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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