I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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