I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
