I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
