I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
