where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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