should my penis look like a turkey
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
