Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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