She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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