your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
