i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
