someone get that fucking seahorse.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
