It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
