you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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