i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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