if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You left your phone here
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