I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
