Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you traded sex for a burrito?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's the barista slut.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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