Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
