did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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