Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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