Tell her she can't have a vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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