he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
