remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
