is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
