I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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