i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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