Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
