3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
