i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
