And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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