Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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