Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
