is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
