Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
