Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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