Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
