i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found the puke drawer
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
