In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
