he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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