Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
