Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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