i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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